I am a mom of six, and I take this parenting thing very seriously. When I am asked to share about marriage and women’s roles in marriage, I ask myself, “If I could have had only two concepts shared with me or two concepts I could share with my daughters, what would they be?” The other night, I was reading the story of Bathsheba with my girls before going to bed, and I made the comment that Bathsheba’s role as wife to David was one of value, but it was very different from David’s—he was leader. Trinity’s face soured, “Mom, I don’t like that. I think I am a pretty good leader,” she told me. There is something innate in a woman that wants to lead, wants to take over. In many ways, we can be more competent and better at certain things than men (I’m sure there are statistics to prove it). And the funny thing is that Trinity is right; she is a good leader, and she will probably continue to prove to herself that she is smarter than the boys around her. I didn't have to teach her that; it is real in a woman even at a young age.
Society has dealt with this very issue in a couple of different ways: egalitarianism, chauvinism, and complementarianism.
The Egalitarian view is the idea that men and women are the same and equals.
The Chauvinistic view says that men are more valuable than women.
The Complementarian view describes men and women as equal but distinct. Equal in value but holding different roles and responsibilities.
I ascribe to the last view.
To some women, this view brings comfort, but to some, it brings fear. Honestly, early in my walk with the Lord, having a different role did not comfort me. Submission = bad word. You see, I had goals. I was valedictorian of my high school, and I had scholarships upon scholarships (I even had money left over after I paid for school, books, room and board, etc.). I had my heart set on becoming a pilot, and I scored high on my aptitude tests, so I was on the path to being just that. I didn't need a man to lead me! Besides that, my parents and the models I saw made the idea of following someone look gross, belittling. Being married and submissive meant cooking dinner for a man that just watched tv all day, putting up with someone calling me names because they had the right to do so, and feeling threatened because they were bigger than me. This idea was not comforting, and I am sure a lot of you have the same discomfort. But I want to show you the dignity we have with our roles as wives. Let’s look at the wife, by looking at who the Holy Spirit is.
WHO IS THE HOLY SPIRIT?
The Holy Spirit is a person of the triune Godhead. The Trinity is Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Each of those is a person within a triune Godhead. All three are God. The father is God. The son is God. The Spirit is God. All three are perfect and holy. All three are equally God. And the Holy Spirit, just like the others, is alive today and lives in the hearts of every believer.
We find in the scriptures that the Holy Spirit is called 'Helper.' The Greek word Parakletos is used for ‘helper’, which means: advocate, defender, helper, comforter, counselor, representative of Christ, teacher, and one who reminds us of truth. That is the Holy Spirit.
Now, what does this have to do with being a wife?
If you read Genesis 2:18-19, you will see that God says he will give Adam a helper (parakleto)—someone suitable (or fit) for him. He created a union between man and wife and He says He wants to give Adam someone that can help him and be suitable for him.
1: The role of the wife, like the spirit, has tremendous dignity. We are given the same job description as that of the Spirit!
THIS LEADS US TO AN IMPORTANT QUESTION: Is the Holy Spirit less of a person in the Trinity than the Father or Christ? And in regard to wives, is our role less than that of our husbands?
Looking at chapters 14-16 in the book of John, we see the importance of the Holy Spirit’s role; He is God-given (14:16), He will bear witness (15:26), and He will teach (16:12).
The role of the wife, therefore, like the Spirit’s role, is not lesser but plays a part of ONENESS.
The Holy Spirit is a part of a Godhead where three persons exist with equal importance but different roles, yet united as ONE.
The husband and wife are also called one. Genesis 3:24 says, “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become ONE flesh.” A marriage is supposed to be a team designed to accomplish God’s glory.
Application: Ladies, shift your mindset of what it means to be a HELPER. God graciously put us in this position and in this role. We have to accept it, and I pray that we would be satisfied and energized in it as well. Seriously ladies, this is where the enemy has kept us in a trap. We are paralyzed and unable to enjoy our roles in marriage, because many of us have bought into the lie that it is not dignified. Or, we are unwilling to even marry because we have bought into the same lie. Who wants to ‘just help’ someone else? But, if we can really own the fact that God gave us our role, and He gave us dignity in it, then, and only then, can we really make a difference!
My second point
What I wish was shared with me before marriage, and what I am definitely teaching my daughters now is that our role in marriage is to be respectful. I had no idea what this meant. I thought ‘respect me’ meant, “You gonna respect me!” But I’ve since realized that we have the ability to breathe life or death into our husbands...
*Part 2 will be featured on Wednesday.