2: ROLE of RESPECT: You have the power to breath life or death.
The best way we can help is to breath life into our husbands.
How do you breath life?
God created man with such a uniqueness from women. I wish someone had TOLD ME SOONER! As a woman, I don’t need the same things a man does; they don’t need the same things we do. I see this in my sons and daughters already. Trinity, Jade, and Briaiah need to be protected, pursued, told they are beautiful, affirmed, hugged; their hearts need to be shepherded. Dhati, Brayden and Nathaniel need to conquer, they need to be the strongest, they need to know that their lives count for something and they naturally protect.
Not too long ago, my oldest son stood up for my oldest daughter on the playground—Dhati-4, Trinity-9. A little boy was picking on Trinity and Dhati saw it. He ran, stood in front of her and told the boy not to touch Trinity. Dhati got knocked to the ground, but stood back up and got back in front of his sister. His natural instinct was to protect. [pull_quote_left]They need respect. If they don’t get it, it is like you are taking their very air away from them. They cannot breathe, they cannot conquer, cannot protect, cannot shepherd, cannot love, cannot pursue.[/pull_quote_left] When Trinity told me the story, and I asked Dhati about it, he was proud; he didn't need us to say thanks, he was naturally proud of his role. On another note, a couple weeks after this incident, Dhati got punched in stomach in the lunch line. He tried to keep it together and, he was fighting his emotions, but when I happened to walk into the lunchroom on this day to have lunch with him, he lost it. He felt embarrassed and disrespected. My boys need respect. I pulled Dhati aside in that cafeteria, told him I was proud of him for being a boy who cares about people and wants to protect. I told him I was proud of him for being a good boy and not a bully. His eyes lit up and all that embarrassment, all the self-doubt seemed to melt away immediately. THIS IS WHAT RESPECT IS.
They—boys, men—need this respect. If I discipline the boys in front of others, I do not get the same result as if I pull them aside and talk to them; that shows respect. THEY NEED IT. It breathes life into them.
Look at 1 peter 3: v.1 won without a word by respectful conduct v.4 precious in sight of the Lord is the gentle and quiet spirit (this does not mean being vocally quiet; it’s a quiet spirit) And Ephesians 5: v.33 See to it that the wife respects her husband.
I have also seen the opposite of this in the adult world. I have had countless opportunities to mentor young ladies in their role as married women. I would say the number one area that is just ignored is the woman’s understanding that she can breath life by respecting her husband. I remember talking to one young lady who had only been married a few years. She consistently told her husband what to do, complained all the time about what he did/didn’t do, talked bad about him in public, raised her voice at her husband and then later complain that he did nothing to help around the house or with the kids. I challenged her one day, “You are breathing death into your marriage. She looked at me like I just cut her right arm off. She had no idea she was a major part of the problem; she had no idea she was being disrespectful. She had the same misconception that many of us have, that men are strong, so we can just say what we are feeling. They are men; they should be able to take it. Not the case. They need respect. If they don’t get it, it is like you are taking their very air away from them. They cannot breathe, they cannot conquer, cannot protect, cannot shepherd, cannot love, cannot pursue.
Another couple that we have known for years shared a story that one day, the wife sat in front of her husband and told him, “I don’t love you or respect you. I never have.” Tears streamed down the man’s face—crushed. Death.
US: What does this look like for us? We come in with a love deficit as women. Dad didn’t accept us, friends have rejected us, or we have believed the lies of the enemy and that alone has stolen our love capital. Whatever way, we come to the table with a love deficit. In the same way, regardless of the upbringing and background, a man comes to the table with a leadership deficit, a respect deficit. They are secretly waiting for someone to tell them that they are good at what they do.
ME: I assume all the time that Dhati knows that he’s great, but I also tell him. And regardless of how many times I say it, I see life breathed into his soul every time I say something that affirms his leadership over our family. “Babe, you are such a great leader. I am so excited we have 3 boys that will get to see it modeled well.” “Babe, that sermon was great, but the best thing about it is that you are able to speak with confidence, because you are a man of integrity. Not everyone can say that about their husbands, thanks for leading in that way.” “Babe, I can follow you wherever you see fit to lead this family, because I trust you at the core.” You would be amazed at what that does for a man.
Dhati said in one of his manhood sermons, “Imagine if every man in here got this...got what it means to be man." I have the same heart for our ladies.
Imagine what it would look like, how society could be transformed if every wife saw dignity in her role, chose to respect her husband and be a life breather.
Helpmate: means literally ‘a help answering to him’ or ‘one who answers’...Adam needed a helper.
God has called our husbands to work, and we are called to help. We are a team. If we can play our role as Helper, die to self and embrace the team’s best interest, we can be so much more effective for His glory.