So, I was thinking...

"Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think." (MLK Jr.) Well, Martin, here are my thoughts...Take 1

So, I was thinking about codependency. Maybe you've heard that word used before; maybe you haven't. One of my pastors dropped that word (bomb) on me some months ago, and it has since become more common in my speech. It has been my struggle—once unknowingly—for some time now: the need for another.

As I was feeling the pains of that struggle one night, I began researching the meaning behind a song that sovereignly found me. In the process, I came across these words from Jon Foreman: As consumers in a commercial driven culture, we can begin to view other souls as objects or potential cures for our deepest fears and insecurities. "Perhaps if I found the right lover I would no longer feel this deep existential despair." But, of course, no human soul could be the Constant Other—the face that will never go away. Only the infinite can fill that role.

As he sees it, so often in relationships (friendships included) there's a despair that surrounds leaving the presence of a significant other or a fear of them someday not being around . We hear it in the "love" songs on the radio—"I can't live without you."

That got me thinking about my struggle, my need for a constant other, but also how our "love" seems to vary. So many of us say we love God, but that looks different than the all-consuming, R&B, romantic drama love we seem to have for whatever or whoever has our heart. We say we love being with God; yet, our lives are set up in such a way that says we can manage without Him quite often. When our devo time is over, we go on with life as though we don't want or need the Godhead throughout the day.

But what if we saw God like that person [or insert whatever grips your heart strings] we can't live without? We'd long for His presence and never want to leave it (Psalm 27:4). We'd wake up in the morning and run to Him. And once our alarms or mental schedules alerted us that we have to head to work or school, we wouldn't just walk out the door feeling like the 30 minutes (or more for some) was enough til the next morning. Instead, we'd say like a desperate lover, "Lord, please stay with me throughout the day. Just keep me near your heart. The fullness of joy lies in you and apart from you I can do nothing. So, come with me to work. To school. To the store. Everywhere I go, I want you with me. I need you with me. Lord, you have the words of eternal life. To whom else would I go?"

Codependency...somehow the word doesn't sting as it did then. Instead, I can hold it up as my trophy.

I can unashamedly say that I am needy...

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord; No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby; Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain; Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will; And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One; Oh, make me Thine indeed, Thou blessed Son.